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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

A scientists perspective: Online dating is like writing a research proposal for funding

Alright. I have a very important experiment that I need to do between today and tomorrow, before I wake up on Thursday and take (read: drag) myself to the airport for a "Thanksgiving Break" with friends. Have to laundry, pack, wash my hair, clean up the trash, do the dishes - so many things to do, so little time:)
But I suddenly thought about my online dating project and how it is similar to writing an NIH grant proposal that will never see the light of funding. Now here's a disclaimer, NIH pays for my salary, so I am grateful to them. But in times of recession, it has become increasingly difficult to get funding- and I am sure everyone will agree on that.
Pressed for time this will be a short post.
NIH grants these days are hard to come by. You have to not only really write a good grant (short and scientifically sound as well in English), you have to have preliminary results, an impressive background of productivity, publications. Also you have to submit to the correct study section at the right time and hope that you will be the top 5 percentile in your section to get that funding. However, according to my knowledge sometimes your budget is either cut or you are not given the amount you asked for based on inflation (I was about to write inflammation!!!). And no experiments can be fishing expeditions. So in a nutshell, pretty much you have to be the best scientist, coming up with the best experiments, and at the right time.
Now think about finding someone online- this project will never get funded for sure. To begin with its a fishing expedition. You kind of know what you want but remember its not what you want but what the other people out there want from you. To pass through the first round of screening this is what you must be like: she must look like a Miss World, have arms like Mrs Obama, dress like Kate Middleton (not Pippa, Pippa's too sexy), know how to drive a car, must cook like Giada (oh and if she looked like Giada too!!). She must also have some sort of a college degree, preferably one that gets her a job so that she can contribute to the domestic earnings. And then if you have managed to make it through this tough selection, you need to talk over phone and pretty much give Tina Fey a run for her money or your sense of humor is not so good. You also need to adjust to their OCDs. At this point, I think I decided a career switch will be an easier option and hence online dating needs to take a back seat. I am just not cut out for it. More on this topic later....to be contd.

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